3.4 First 

Sex 

On average, the participants in this study had sex for the first time just before they turned 

16, a younger age than the national norm (GSS and MI, 1999). Girls tended to have their first 

boyfriends near or within 10 years of their own age.  Boyfriend  here refers to males with whom 

the girls had sexual relations. Most of the participants met their boyfriends at school, during 

social activities, at the market, or through friends. About a third of the participants' first 

boyfriends were within three years of their own age. The rest were 5 to 12 years older, with three 

notable exceptions: one girl was forced to marry a middle aged family friend, another got 

involved with a taxi driver, and a third girl was raped in her hometown. (The man was arrested 

and tried, and the girl later developed a relationship with a boyfriend her age.)  

The most common first sex scenario reported by participants was that the girl's boyfriend 

had convinced her to come to his house, where the two had either consensual or forced sex. For 

example, Naomi who had run away from home, got involved sexually for the first time at age 14. 

He was a regular customer at the bar where I cooked. Then one day, he proposed love to 

me and I agreed. We were in a relationship for a long time and one day he asked me to 

accompany him to his house. I agreed and we went. Then he talked to me to sleep with 

him. I did understand and slept with him. I understood his proposal and gave in. . . I 

enjoyed it. [Naomi] 

Unlike this girl, a third of the participants described their first sexual experience as 

traumatic, either because their boyfriends deceived them about what was going to happen, 

because it was a struggle, because it was painful, or because they were raped by a nonboyfriend. 

For example, when Lily was 17, she had her first sexual experience with her boyfriend, who 

eventually became her husband. 

I had this boyfriend who asked me to accompany him somewhere. Initially, I didn't want 

to go, but upon pressuring me I followed him. Apparently, it was his house he meant. So 

when we got to the house, he drugged me with alcohol and I slept. Then he had sex with 

me. When I woke up I got angry and went home and told my mother. But my mother 

didn't say anything. Later, the boy came to apologize for doing that to me. . . [Lily]  

Surprisingly, many girls who said they were forced into having sex the first time were 

still with the same boys and even had children with them. 

The one who broke my virginity is the one I stay with. I have never had any other 

boyfriends, and I know he is the one I will marry since he is the father of my children. . . I 

love him and he loves me. The only reason we are not married is because he has no 

money. [Lily] 

Evidently this phenomenon of boys luring girls to their homes to have sex is so 

widespread that some girls said that they had been warned about it by their parents and 

guardians. Sarah, for instance, said her grandmother told her that  some of the men did rape 

girls, so I should never follow a man to his house.   

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